Trowa's Promise
by berri-cherri-princess
Summary: Yet another GW fic. It's about a promise Trowa made, how him and his best friend as a child were seperated, and how he finds her again, just to find out that she's a beautiful karaoke star, and her feelings about him haven't changed at all.
1. Default Chapter

I do not own Gundam wing and its exponents, nor do I own any of the songs I use in this fic. If I did, Trowa would be my boi-friend ^_^, Oh, I do own  
  
*da da da da* the secret character, I won't tell you who it is, cuz it'll ruin it!! Have fun reading, and please review!  
  
"I promise I'll come back for you, I promise! I won't leave you..wait..you forgot..."   
  
"Forgot what?" came the voice of Duo, sitting up in his bed. Trowa stared across the room at him. "Nothing," he said, hardly whispering. "All right then..."  
  
Duo said, getting out of bed. "Do us all a favour and go back to bed Maxwell." came the yawning voice of Wufei. "Up, sorry to burst your bubble, Wufei,  
  
but can't" he said, turning on the lights. "Everybody up! If I have to, so do you! You know what today is anyways, better we get ready now." Supressed  
  
groans are heard from all around the sleeping quarters, followed by a chorus of "It's 6 a.m! 5 More minutes" But, Duo, having a personality as he does,  
  
took no objections. "Get up! The way we're going now,we can try to successfully make waffles before we leave!" Heero just threw him a warning glance.  
  
"Try is the key word. I don't know about you, but I have no clue how to make waffles." "Hey," said Quatre, now awake, and smiling, "If the donkey in  
  
Shrek can do it, why can't we?" "You're worse than I thought." Smirked Wufei, Quatre just blushed.   
  
*27 Minutes, an explosion, and 15 burned waffles later*  
  
"Uh, you think I overdid it?" said Duo, braid singed, laughing immaturely. "Thank God you're a better pilot than a chef." Said Heero, expression  
  
unchanging. He looked around the room. Normal, he thought. Quatre and Wufei were standing around, and, as usual, Duo was doing something stupid.  
  
Very very usual. Well, except for two things. There were burnt pancakes on the ceiling, but that was the least he'd expected from Duo...but, there was  
  
something up with Trowa. He was always quiet, but today he felt he was being deliberatley so. Something was wrong, but he was sure Trowa wouldn't   
  
talk about it, anyway. Trowa's eyes just seemed to be searching for something, but Heero couldn't think of anything it could be. If Trowa wanted to think,   
  
then it wasn't Heero's problem anyway...  
  
A rough voice came over the intercom in their ship. "Reaching Quilestar, colony 66251, in approximately 7 hours. Final preperations should be made, and  
  
Godspeed. It looks like it's apparently worse than we thought. Leave the Gundams here, they'll be of no use to you. Just plant the explosives, and get  
  
the hell out of there. Take no prisoners." "Got it. Hey, Markks, could you send someone in to clean up this mess?" Duo grinned sheepishly. "Alright, Mr.  
  
Maxwell." He sighed. He was obviously tired of waiting hand and foot to the silly stunts of the lovable Duo. He shook his head. Lousy kid.   
  
All of them got up reluctantly, and went to make up final preperations. Heero pulled Duo over to the side. "Something's up with Trowa." he stated blankly.  
  
"'Noticed that too." said Duo, trying frantically to put out the fire in his hair. "Do you know what's wrong?" "I don't think so. But he's always like that.   
  
Probably nothing. But...he woke me up this morning. He was talking in his sleep again." "About what?" Heero asked, only half-concerned. "The same as  
  
always." Duo said, acting out what Trowa had said, arms flailing wildly. Heero began to laugh, the first in a long time. Duo began calling out, "I promise!  
  
I'll be back for you! Wait for meeeeeeee..." Heero sighed. Duo had run smack into Trowa, but Trowa, apparently, didn't seem to notice. "Going out to the   
  
garage. Quatre and Wufei are in the room." He said, as he slid past them. "Hmm..there's definately something wrong with that guy, apart from his split  
  
personality and mental stability." said Duo. "Mm," agreed Heero. "Did you see what he had in his hands?" "Oh! That!" said Duo with a smile. "That thing   
  
happens to be a wooden beaded bracelet. He carries it with him whenever we go on dangerous missions. Good luck charm I guess." He started to giggle.  
  
"It appears," he said, in fits of laughter, "Young master Barton has more problems than even Quatre. If he would only tell us why." Heero grimmaced.   
  
"You of all people know Trowa won't tell us a thing." "It was a guess, anyway, you'll never know. We better get ready then." So they grabbed all of their  
  
things, and headed towards the garage. "Oh, and Heero, one more thing." "Ya?" He asked. "The God of death is back from hell." 


	2. Intro 2: Kita's introduction

Kita's Intro (Songs in this chapter are created by the author ^_^)  
  
"Yes dad, I'll get that. We seem more packed than usual, don't we?" came the cheerful voice of Kita from the bar on the downstairs floor of the pub.  
  
"Hello sir, what may I get you?" she asked. "Coffee please. This is the last decent place to get a genuine coffee." Kita smiled, and went to fix him the  
  
best coffee in the house. Ok, so she was a bit of an over-achiever. She was listening half-heartedly to the people's conversations. She always did that.  
  
Somehow life here was somewhat boring. Always the same things. Nothing exciting ever happened here. Well, that was, until now.   
  
"Yes, I heard them! They're coming! Apparently we have something they want, and our leader doesn't want to make a truce. They're going to war with   
  
us!" "Oh, Master Brila! That's nonsense!" "As usual." commented another lady. Kita didn't care, she liked master Brila's stories anyways. "But it's true!   
  
They'll be upon us before the week is done!" "Really Master Brila?" she asked, unable to hold out on this any longer. "Come on Kita," Ushered her father.  
  
"You know better than that! Anyways, time to perform. Best keep this upsweep in business, no?" "yes, father" So, Kita stoped tending for a while, and  
  
did what she was good at. She sang.  
  
"So this is what love is? Kinda funny, kinda strange...It's kind of weird, don't you see? I've never ever felt this way. If someone can touch you and hold  
  
you, does it mean they'll be here forever, or is it just setting you up for the big picture? Why did you do it? Why did you leave? Why did I have to wear  
  
my heart on my sleeve? Why did I think it'd last forever? Why did I even try? Why did I say I love you, when I knew it would turn to goodbye?"  
  
She finished off the verses, and was crowded by applause as usual. At least this was better than bartending. The music started up again, and she was  
  
on her way again.   
  
"I dont understand. I am now afraid. Huddled in this corner alone...The day slowly turns into night, you ask me if I'm alright. I nod my head at you, but  
  
inside, I know I lied. I played your game, I'm not ashamed. You called my name, and I answered. It's all my fault, I'm on my own, me alone to deal with  
  
this cancer. Make it go away...make it go away...don't you want to stay? Don't you want to stay? Why is life this way? I don't understand..."  
  
The morning went simply like that. She sang, swept, and tended, listening more to Master Brila's stories, even though her father didn't want her to. She  
  
finished up, washed up, and reset the tables. "Why, Kita dear, did you not take that contract? It would have made you a lot of money, and you'd be out  
  
of this place for good. I know that's what you want." chimmed Miss. Adonte-chang. Kita just blushed. "I...I guess I really don't want to leave my father   
  
running this place all by myself." she lied. Miss. Chang just laughed. "You're easier to read than you think, girl. I know, despite well wishes for your father,  
  
that you don't want to do it for another reason, you don't want to leave until," "until what?" "Until that boy comes back."  
  
That took Kita by definate surprise. "Don't be foolish. You know he's not coming back for you. It's a waste of your time and talent staying here girl,  
  
honestly." Flames were eating Kita up inside. "So that's why you think I'm staying? I'm not that stupid, Marie. You know that. I'm not staying and waiting  
  
for him to come back. Do you think I ever believed he would?" she lied through clenched fists. Miss Chang just looked expressionlessly at the ceiling. Kita  
  
made a point not to run into her for the rest of the day. How could she say that? Why did she say it upfront? How did she know that Kita was lying, and  
  
that was the reason. She needed an excuse to get away from the stare of Marie. Anything.  
  
The door opened, and the chimes placed above the door rang sweetly. Perfect, she thought. Customer. "Erm, excuse me, Marie, I've got to go tend to   
  
the customer, and so she left to take his orders. "Hi. What may I get you?" she asked sweetly. "The manager." he said roughly. "All right. One moment  
  
please." she said, turning around. "This is urgent, could you get him as fast as you can?" He asked. She smiled. There was something about him, the way  
  
his light brown hair shone, and his green eyes seeped from underneath it. Fairy tale prince she thought to herself, but he looked incredibly worried, even  
  
though she knew he tried not to show it.   
  
"Yes, what is it you request of me?" came the voice of Kita's father. "May I speak to you," he said, then quickly added, "alone." Kita took the hint, and  
  
left. Her father and the boy talked for a while, a distinct pang of urgency now drawn into the ever present lines in his face. "This is the only way?" he   
  
asked. "Yes. Those men, they're going to..." his sentence was cut short by a bulet whizzing by his head. "Get down!" he yelled, as Kita was walking past.  
  
He pulled her and her father down. "What on earth?" she stammered, as a ruckus of shooting began in the bar. "Oz and the rebels." said the boy.   
  
"Huh?" she asked, looking rathr confused. "They're going to blow up your colony with something. I was sent here to find out what it was. They know I'm  
  
here! Dammit!" he swore, turning over a chair that had landed on his leg. "Tell everyone to get down!" he said, and her father repeated the instruction.  
  
The boy got up, trailed around, and began shooting wildly. KIta was lost in the middle of all this. What was going on? This was insane! He came back, and  
  
ducked uder the table at Kita's feet." I don't know why I should be telling you this, but they've got the bomb. They've detonated it." "Everyone evacuate  
  
now!" yelled her father. "That won't help all that much. This whole colony is going to go boom in 5 minutes. Unless you're 5 minutes away from sailing   
  
into space, everyone's dead." Kita looked in horror at the man. He had successfully shot all the so called villains, but didn't seem to have a clue on how  
  
to undetonate a bomb, one of this caliber, anyway.   
  
"You've got a way out, don't you? Or you wouldn't be here" askedthe owner. "Yes...why?" asked the boy. "Take her with you." Kita got a terrified look  
  
on her face. "No! I'm not leaving you here! You can't make me go father!" "Silence!" He roared. "Please," he begged the man, take her with you." The  
  
boy looked uncertain. "I'm not going!" She yelled, and burst into tears. "Stop your wailing! This is for your own good!" her father said, as he hit her over  
  
the head. "She'll be unconsious for a while. Please, don't think I've forgotten you. She may have not recognized you, but I do. Please. Make a miserable  
  
old man happy. Take my daughter with you, Trowa Barton."  
  
He looked up at him with new eyes. Had he forgotten already? Was that? Was she? It couldn't be! "I'll never forget what you've done for my daughter.   
  
Please, do this, and one more thing, before we all end up dead." He nodded silently at the old man. "Take this gun. Shoot me. I don't want to suffer  
  
anymore. "I can't do that." he said simply. "You've done too much for me." he said. "When have I ever done anything for you, Trowa? Please. You   
  
yourself, as a pilot know that to shoot oneself is an act of cowardice. I won't. But, I'll be hapy if I go down according to you. I'll be greatful that I can die  
  
a most honourable death." "I can't..." "Yes you can!" "I can't!" he shouted "yes you can!" "I...." "Do it. Do it! Do it now Trowa! For the love of my   
  
daughter and the lives of us all! Do it now! Do it..."   
  
*BANG*  
  
The boy called Trowa shot the man, and with out looking back, carried the girl, and ran to his ship. What have I done? He thought to himself. What have  
  
I done? 


	3. Eternity's beginning, Normality's end

The beginning  
  
"Wha..wha..where am I?"  
  
"In headquarters."  
  
"Who are you."  
  
"My name is..."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"My name is Trowa Barton."  
  
"Oh. Th-thankyou for..uh..bringing me here...what exactly happened?" "Fairy-boy here rescued you." came the voice of an attractive looking boy with   
  
a thick brown braid. "Who are you?" Kita asked. "Captain of the deathscythe, Duo Maxwell. But, you can call me just plain Duo." he said, as he kissed her  
  
hand. "Uh, thanks..." she said, and he left. She looked at the other boy. "Trowa, huh? Is there anybody else I should know about?" she asked, brown   
  
eyes blazing in the dimly lit room. "Il'l introduce you later." he said in a gruff voice. "Ok," she answered. She tried to get up, and a pang of pain entered  
  
her. He silently extended his hand. "It's your ankle. Lay off it. You should be ok." he said as he pulled her up. Weightless like a feather, he noted. He put  
  
an arm around her shoulders, to support her. "Really, Im okay." she insisted, as he pulled her, as to what she thought was considerably closer.   
  
She looked up into his deep green eyes. They looked oddly familiar, as if she had spent endless days gazing into them before. They reminded her of his  
  
eyes...What a silly thing to think, she said to herself. That boy was long gone. Opportunity was knocking, and she was keen to answer the door. She  
  
ventured out a little bit, she couldn't help it. "If I may say so, you look oddly familiar...Have I met you before or something?" she asked. He blinked his  
  
deep green eyes. He looked sort of confused, then gave a supressed laugh. How she loved that laugh, she thought to herself. "You've seen me before,  
  
I'm sure," he said quietly. "Where?" she ventured, "around." he said, as he left her in the hallway.   
  
Strange, she thought to herself, watching him walk away. Why doesn't he open up a little bit? She watched him turn the corner, and go into a room.   
  
"Oh," came a voice, "I see you've met Trowa. My name is Quatre Winner. How's you're leg? Feeling better, I hope. Would you ike a cup of tea?" She   
  
smiled at him. "why, yes! I'd love some!" she said, as she hobbled after him. They came into a sort of kitchen/rec room space. There was one other   
  
person sitting there. "Heero, this is her. Kita, this is Heero Yuy, captain and friend." He extended his hand. "Kita," he said repeating her name. She  
  
smiled. He looked a lot like that first pilot...except he didn't have a uni-bang, and was considerably shorter. "Where's Wufei?" Quatre asked, as he took  
  
out two teabags. "Wufei?" Kita asked. "Another pilot?" Heero nodded. "Went to look for Trowa." "Oh," said Quatre "That can't be good..." Heero shook  
  
his head. "You know why. Some things never change I guess. I really thikn Wufei should learn to..."  
  
*SMACK*  
  
A book came flying from the hallway, hitting Quatre in the hand, causing the teacup to shatter. "I'll get that." Kita said, bending down, and picking up the  
  
pieces, despite the pain in her leg. She was boarding with 5 young men, no pilots. No way was she going to show weakness! She listened to the yelling in  
  
the corridor. The boy yelling was obviously Wufei, because the other voice belonged to that guy named Trowa...she let her mind drift and daydream   
  
a little bit about him. He was so mysterious, and she loved that! She then came catapulting back into the real world when she heard Wufei talking about  
  
her.  
  
"Why'd you bring her here?" he yelled. "She's useless, a distraction. No help to us. All she's going to do is slow us down, Trowa! You know that! I didn't  
  
think you were that stupid, like Maxwell, falling over some stupid girl. I thought you were smarter than that! Man, think about how you're screwing us  
  
over! For that...that..." Wufei was clearly fuming. How dare he say those things about her! That stupid little..."Shutup Wufei. I have no feelings for her.  
  
She's just a girl, a senseless stupid girl. The only reason I did this was because of her father. He told me to take her, Chang." "Since when did you follow  
  
orders?" Wufei smirked. "I made a promise to her father, and I wouldn't break it. Her father is Lavan Chanma, leader of construction and biological   
  
weapons. The leader of..." "I know who he is!" spat Wufei. "That's his daughter." "Yes. His only child. The only living heirof the Chanma blood." Wufei's  
  
face brightened slightly. "Then she's not just your plaything, Barton. I never would have guessed." He threw him an approving glance. "So, you figure  
  
she knows all the plans, she's going to lead us to the..."  
  
Kita left the room in tears. She was being used. She didn't want to be here, and it was clear they didn't want her here. Just because he promised her   
  
father! He didn't care about her...and she didn't expect him to, but still. She thought he was going to defend her! Those words hurt her worse than  
  
Wufei's. Why did she evn bother liking him, anyways? She thought, as she slammed the door shut in a room, not hearing another word.  
  
"She's not taking us anywhere, Wufei. Nowhere. She's staying here, and I don't care if you don't like it." growled Trowa. "I made a promise to her, and  
  
I'm not leaving her!" Wufei looked up from the object he was about to hurl "Made a promise to her?" "Uh, her father. You know honour is most important  
  
as a pilot. I will not disgrace his name. Do you think I wanted to do this? Do you honestly think so?" That shut Wufei up for a while. "Look," Trowa   
  
continued, a little while after. "You don't have to have any part in this. Keep away from her if you don't want to be around her, but I don't think it could  
  
hurt." he said, and walked off.   
  
"It has to be true then. After all these years...I didn't think I'd ever see her again. She's changed so much, and besides, she hasn't recognized me yet. I  
  
plan to keep it that way. I don't want to have to take the responsibility of worrying about her...Or, maybe it's me who's changed. He said to himself as  
  
he halted in the hallway. He heard something, a desperate, sad sound, and slightly opened the door. "Leave me alone..." 


	4. Disruption in lonliness and silence

Lyrics that don't belong to me: Linkin Park- Faint  
  
"Let me in." "No." she said angrily. "Just let me talk to you!" "I heard all the talking you had to do already, now if you don't mind get the hell away from  
  
me!" "Do you want me to kick down this door?" He asked. She secretly hoped that he would. "Look, what Wufei said out there..." She laughed. "I don't  
  
care what that prick has to say about me, idiot" she responded.  
  
"I am a little bit of loneliness, a little bit of disregard  
  
Handful of complaints, but I can help the fact, that everybody can see these scars  
  
What I want you to want, what I want you to feel  
  
But it's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you, to just believe this is real"  
  
"So then what did you take in? What I said? Is that why you won't let me in here?" "Oh,   
  
doesn't that take the genius to figure out!" she stammered, question catching her offguard. "Look, I came to...appologize to you. I didn't mean to screw  
  
anything up for you."  
  
"So I let go, watching you, turn your back like you always do  
  
Face away and pretend that I'm not  
  
But I'll be here 'cause you want what I've got"  
  
"Anything?" she asked. "Do you mean everything? Why the hell am I here! Why couldn't I have sayed home with my dad! Why'd I  
  
have to come here with you?" There was silence for a moment. "You don't realize the depth of the situation, do you?" "What do you mean?" He took a   
  
deep breath. "Your father's dead." She looked up at him with the saddest eyes he had ever seen. How he never, ever wanted to see those again.  
  
"I can't feel the way I did before  
  
Don't turn your back on me  
  
I won't be ignored  
  
Time won't heal this damage anymore  
  
Don't turn your back on me  
  
I won't be ignored"  
  
"My,my f...father?" she stammered. He nodded in silence. Kita broke down. "Look, don't cry." He said, trying unsteadily to make her feel better. "Don't   
  
cry?!"she roared, "Don't cry? What kind of heartless psycho are you?" she asked. "A gundam pilot," he whispered.   
  
"I am a little bit insecure, a little unconfident  
  
'Cause you don't understand, I do what I can, but sometimes I don't make sense  
  
I say what you never wanna say, but I've never had a doubt  
  
It's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you, for once just to hear me out"  
  
She didn't listen. "You have no idea what it's like to lose someone! You just don't care, you just dont!" she yelled. There was a silence for a while. "Don't  
  
be so sure." She scoffed. "Explain to me, then, pilot, what you mean." "All I'm saying is that you're not the only one screwed over in this world. Some  
  
people have it worse than you."  
  
"Now  
  
Hear me out now  
  
You're gonna listen to me, like it or not  
  
Right now  
  
Hear me out now  
  
You're gonna listen to me, like it or not  
  
Right now  
  
I can't feel the way I did before  
  
Don't turn your back on me  
  
I won't be ignored"  
  
She shuddered. "How could you possibly have it worse than me, Trowa Barton? How could you say that!" He stopped   
  
for a while, and then cautiously took something from his pocket. "You're going to listen to me like it or not. You have to live with the burden of having   
  
your father dead. I have the burden of killing him.   
  
"So I let go, watching you, turn your back like you always do  
  
Face away and pretend that I'm not  
  
But I'll be here 'cause you want what I've got  
  
"I can't feel the way I did before  
  
Don't turn your back on me  
  
I won't be ignored  
  
Time won't heal this damage anymore  
  
Don't turn your back on me  
  
I won't be ignored" 


	5. Rekindled and Forgotten: The return of t...

Lyrics that don't belong to me: Goo Goo Dolls- Iris   
  
"I let go of that trigger, not you. I killed your father. But before you say anything, I want you to take something. It's yours. From a long long time ago."  
  
He couldn't finish his sentence fully when she snapped. She moved ever so swiftly, to knock his living daylights out. He showed her something in his hand  
  
then, and she stopped middair, and collapsed in his arms.  
  
"And I'd give up forever to touch you  
  
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow  
  
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
  
And I don't want to go home right now  
  
And all I can taste is this moment  
  
And all I can breathe is your life  
  
'Cause sooner or later it's over  
  
I just don't want to miss you tonight"  
  
"Where did you get that? Did someone give it to you?" He smiled ever so slightly, you could   
  
hardly tell the difference from his straight face. "Yes. A little girl gave it to me thirteen years ago. I wanted to give it back to her, and keep my promise."  
  
He let go of the bracelet, dropping it in kita's hands. She looked up at him. "Is it really you? After all these years, have you come back to get me?"  
  
"And I don't want the world to see me  
  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
  
When everything's made to be broken  
  
I just want you to know who I am"  
  
He sighed heavily. "No. You heard what Wufei was talking about. We're supposed to destroy a weapon your father built on clony 41-9a, but nobody   
  
other than blood relation can get in that chamber." She laughed. "So you came all this way to use me, then?" she spat. "Look, I didn't know it was you   
  
until now! You didn't know it was me either. Give me a break, I'm just doing my job!" "And what would that be?" she asked. "Making sure you don't get  
  
hurt."he said, a little bit more gently, as he exited the room, leaving her all to herself once more. "Wait, Trowa. Don't go. I...I've missed you." He turned back  
  
for a brief instant. "You can't. Pilot's don't feel. It's against our rules. Forget this ever happened. Just forget it. I don't know you.And you've never felt  
  
for me."  
  
"And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
  
Or the moment of truth in your lies  
  
When everything feels like the movies  
  
And you bleed just to know you're alive"  
  
A tear slid down her cheek. "Don't say that, please, don't say that...I...I" "It's not in the job description. Let it be." he said, leaving for the door  
  
once more. She threw herself at him, tears streaming wildly. "You left me once, don't leave me again. Please. Don't," she was so close to his face, she  
  
could feel him breathing. He didn't understand. He killed her father. He got her in this. He made her cry. Why did this girl still like him? And why did he still   
  
have feelings for her? It just didn't work.   
  
"And I don't want the world to see me  
  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
  
When everything's made to be broken  
  
I just want you to know who I am"  
  
"Do you remember the time when we climbed that tree a long time ago Trowa-kun," he smiled, eyes never diverting from her own. "I was hanging, and I  
  
was so scared. You said you'd never let me go, Trowa. I...I don't want you to." She said, with a vibrant smile on her face. She bent over then, and  
  
kissed him. "Since when did you ever follow the rules?" she whispered. 


	6. Fast forward, and Rewind: Trowa and Kita...

He was still awake. He couldn't fall asleep. It killed him. Why? God, why? He was a pilot goddamit! He didn't have time to fall in love, and this was  
  
definately not the place! Why couldn't his heart understand that if his head could? He looked down beside him, and tried not to smile. He was Trowa  
  
Barton, the quiet, shy, take control pilot. One of the best. Yet something so small and worthless could bring him crumbling to his knees. Yet was it that?  
  
He let his mind drift away as he brushed away the hair that streamed around her face. "Morning star," he whispered, as the ship flew closer. "It's your  
  
time to shine. Even though you don't know it, you're going to save he world, and everyone in it..."  
  
"Last time I talked to you  
  
You were lonely and out of place  
  
You were looking down on me  
  
Lost out in space"  
  
"Do you ever wonder what it would be like to be up in outer space?" "Nah." "Why not?" She said, looking at him with those beautiful chocolate eyes.  
  
"Because I'm happy where I am, I guess. I don't really like change." "Oh. I'm happy here too, but I've always wondered. I'll be up there someday, looking  
  
at the stars from way closer. There's just something so pretty about them." "Yah, I guess."  
  
Space. you wanted to be here. But what is there for you? Lonliness, heartache. It's not worth the stars, for they too, eventually fade away, like  
  
your ever open heart. Fade into the dimness, far away from the moon and the sky. Gone, every last breath, until, alas, there is nothing left for you.  
  
We laid underneath the stars  
  
Strung out and feeling brave  
  
I watched the red orange glow  
  
I watched you float away  
  
"You know, you don't always have to be so serious." "I have nothing else to be." She looked at him like he was crazy. "You can be anything you want to  
  
be, as long as you can dream. You're my friend." "I'm not that brave." She laughed. "Of course you are. You're the bravest person I know.  
  
You've been alone. That's the hardest thing to do, you know. I'm scared of being alone." "You shouldn't be. I'll always be there for you." "Thankyou.   
  
There must be something your scared of." The boy turned over on his side. "Life." He said. She nodded. "It can be so big and scary sometimes. But I  
  
guess if you're with the people you love, it's not that bad." He smiled. "Thanks Morning Star."...  
  
  
  
"Down here in the atmosphere  
  
Garbage and city lights  
  
You've gone to save your tired soul  
  
You've gone to save our lives"  
  
He turned back to Kita, looking at the beautiful woman who lay at his side. There's nothing you wanted to live for, so why do you do it? Why do you  
  
keep on living like everything's okay? You don't care about yourself. You want to go along with this stupid plan so that everyone else can...everyone  
  
else can...live. Why is that? Why do you breathe?  
  
I turned on the radio  
  
To find you on satellite  
  
I'm waiting for this sky to fall  
  
I'm waiting for a sign  
  
All we are  
  
Is all so far  
  
I remember all the painful days waiting. All the people telling me I couldn't. I can't help but think you feel the same way. Am I right? I waited every   
  
second of my life waiting for a sign that you were alive, a sign for me to set you free. Now...now...I...I...wish you were...dead. I don't want you to  
  
feel. I don't want you to know or see what I've become...I...I...wish you were dead.  
  
"You're falling back to me  
  
You're a star that I can see"  
  
Why do I see you? Why are you here?  
  
"I know you're out there  
  
Somewhere out there"  
  
Why are you in my arms? Why are you here?  
  
"You're falling out of reach  
  
Defying gravity"  
  
Don't ever go away...Don't stumble...get up. Be brave, for me. For me...  
  
"I know you're out there  
  
Somewhere out there"  
  
Goddamnit! Why are you here? Why are you...here...so close to me, yet you have no clue how far away you seem? Why do I live? Why do I feel?  
  
"Hope you remember me  
  
When you're home sick   
  
and need a change  
  
I miss your purple hair  
  
I miss the way you taste"  
  
"This is going to be so cool! I've been waiting for a while for this. You're going to love this!" She smiled. The world changed with her smile. It seemed  
  
better, even perfect, for those two seconds. "C'mon, let's go." "Where are we going?" I had asked. "Does it matter?" "No." She held my hand. "You're  
  
dad will be upset. We better go," "No. Please, just let's stay for a while. I...I don't want to go home. I want to stay here with you." "Why? Because I  
  
feel safe with you. And, besides," she flashed another huge smile. "My dad will kill me when he sees what I did to my hair." she laughed. She grabbed  
  
his hand. "Just a little bit farther. We're almost there, I promise." We had climbed up for a while, then like she said, we got there. The sun was just  
  
setting. The shades matched the colour of her hair. Why she wanted to dye her hair violet, he'd never know. But, he didn't care. "Isn't it pretty?"  
  
"Yup. Hey, why'd you bring me here Morning Star?" She laughed. "Why do you call me morning star?" "Because. The stars that are there in the morning,  
  
there the most pretty, shining with brilliance, you know. They're strong to last all the way through the night. Nature's gift." "Is that what I am to you?"  
  
she asked, blushing, eyes diverting to the floor. "I guess. You're whatever you want to be. You've always been." She smiled. "So why was it you brang  
  
me here?" "Because this is my favourite place. I like to come here and watch the sunset." He laughed. "And your dad allows you to?" "NO! He thinks I'm  
  
out with you, I guess. Because I spend so much time with you I guess." "You don't have to, you know, it's nice of you, but..." "I want to." She got  
  
closer to him. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you, you know. It's just practice I guess." He smiled and kissed her. It was their first kiss...  
  
"I know you'll come back someday  
  
On a bed of nails I'll wait  
  
I'm praying that you don't burn out  
  
Or fade away  
  
All we are  
  
Is all so far"  
  
I waited so long for you. You have no idea. I don't want you to fade away. I want you to stay here, even though I know you can't. I let you go once.  
  
I won't let you go again. I promise...I promise. Though I feel I'll have to before this is over. I don't ever want to see you cry again, Kita.  
  
"You're falling back to me  
  
You're a star that I can see  
  
I know you're out there  
  
Somewhere out there  
  
You're falling out of reach  
  
Defying gravity  
  
I know you're out there  
  
Somewhere out there"  
  
"I'm not leaving! I'm not leaving without him daddy! Why are you doing this? why are you so mean! He has to come! Daddy listen!" "Look, there's no  
  
time! we've got to get out of here now! Get in this car!" "No daddy! I'm not going without him." She wouldn't budge, so he pushed her out the door. I  
  
was running up the steps at the exact same time, and I caught her before she fell. "I don't want to go! i don't want to go! Daddy, why can't he come   
  
too?" "He just can't. Come on, there's no time." Her father never told her why, but she figured out soon enough from the gossip of others. "He can't."  
  
"Why not?!" "You must understand, it's for his own good, love. He has to stay behind." She clung to him. Even though she was only 8, she knew she'd  
  
never see him again. "I don't want to go," she said over and over as she clung to him. "You're my best friend. Don't let him take me." He let go, a single  
  
tear drew down his face. "Your dad knows whats best for you Morning star. Let go. I want you to be safe. It's a bad idea to stay here. Anyways, I'm  
  
only a stupid orphan who has no friends or family beside you. I don't know why you'd want to stay with me." She burst into tears, and through shaking   
  
fists, she slapped him. "Don't ever say that! you don't understand! You don't..." "Look, I'll be back for you. I'll come and get you later, when everything's  
  
okay. I promise. But you have to go." She nodded. "But I'm scared. You..." "Look, as long as you remember me, I'll be okay." She turned to leave.  
  
"Wait, here, have this." she said, handing him a small charmed bracelet. It was worn and torn, but to him, it was as if it had been made of the finest  
  
jewels. She hugged him one last time, and then, without looking back, she left him standing on the dusty road. All by himself right back where he started  
  
from. She didn't look back.Didn't look back...Or was it she did, but he couldn't tell, because of the river of tears streaming from his emerald green eyes.  
  
"You're falling back to me  
  
You're a star that I can see  
  
I know you're out there  
  
You're falling out of reach  
  
Defying gravity  
  
I know you're out there  
  
Somewhere out there  
  
You're falling back to me  
  
You're a star that I can see  
  
I know you're out there"  
  
You're here with me now...right here beside me...  
  
"Somewhere out there  
  
You're falling out of reach  
  
Slipping through my fingers, like the sands of time. Why am I remembering?   
  
Defying gravity  
  
I know you're out there  
  
Somewhere out there  
  
You're falling back to me  
  
The promise I made? Why do I still know? Is it only a reflection?   
  
I know  
  
I know  
  
You're falling out of reach  
  
I know...  
  
Why after all the training I've been through...why am I...I...so weak...  
  
So weak...crumbling...I'm nothing.  
  
Nothing but dust...crumbling away at the feet of something I could never have.  
  
Why is life so cruel. Why, then if I can't have her, is she here?  
  
Why have I changed. I never cared for anything, not even my life before now.  
  
I'm Nothing but dust...crumbling away at the feet of something I could never have. 


	7. The Soul's Glass: The crumbling essence ...

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry for all of this. You know it's all my fault." Kita said. He smiled. There was someting about that smile. "I know." He said   
  
"That wasn't that hard was it?" She laughed, for the first time in a while. "That's not what I...Oh nevermind." She said softly. "How is it?" Kita asked.  
  
"Not bad I guess." He said, still clasping his side. "You mean you haven't bandaged it yet?" She asked astonished. "Nah. I'm a pilot. I can live with a   
  
scrape." "I guess, but that's not a scrape Trowa! Here, look, let me fix it." "Ok," he mumbled, "But it's no big deal." "It's the least I can do," she said.   
  
"I'll be back." She leapt up off the couch, ran out the door, stopping to look and smile back. The smile wasn't exactly returned. Oh well, she thought to  
  
herself, at least he cared enough to take a bullet for me back there...  
  
She came back, empty handed. "Sorry, I couldn't find it. None of you want to be considered fruit cakes, do you?" He shook head. "Thought that counts."  
  
he mumbled. How come he couldn't be honest with her? How come he couldn't tell her...How come he had to put up as show and pretend he didn't care   
  
for her? Why, did he build a wall, an unshatterable wall? Why was he even thinking this, what the hell had possessed him? He snapped back into reality,  
  
as he heard her call his name. God, he loved the way she said his name.   
  
"You're lucky it just grazed you, that could have.." "I know." he took off his sweater to reveal the wound. "Wow. You must be made of steel, or   
  
something." she smiled, looking up into his deep green eyes. "No, just my heart," he said. "What?" she asked. "OH, nothing," he said. He looked at the  
  
ceiling. How cruel fate was. He would have preferred to get shot. "What are you doing?" he asked, eye brows raised, as she raised scissors to her   
  
blouse. "Makeshift," she said, and smiled. There was something about that smile. "Lean over, don't move, or I'll strangle you," she said, as she bent  
  
over to attach the makeshift bandage to his right shoulder and collar bone. "I thought you just told me not to move." That was the best he could come  
  
up with. God, what was he? She laughed.  
  
"We got the afternoon  
  
You got this room for two  
  
One thing I've left to do  
  
Discover me  
  
Discovering you"  
  
"Not bad for somebody who never talks, and who's every excuse is that he's a pilot." He frowned. "It's not  
  
an excuse, Kit. That's how I live my life, by the rules." she smiled. "It's not easy to pilot one of those things, you know." "Actually, I don't, beacuse you  
  
guys won't let me!" "Well good, you almost got yourself killed asking damn questions." That hurt her a little bit, but she was bright about it. "I'll be flying  
  
higher someday. Waste your own time, Trowa, I dont care, anything you can do, I can do better." He smiled, and the smile slowly turned into a laugh.  
  
He hadn't laughed in...she didn't remember. "Nice try." "I'm serious!" "I'd like to see you pilot that thing!" he said, forgetting his normal attitude, his   
  
stereotype. "I pilot other things," she said, eyes not waivering from Trowa. "Like what? Prove it." he asked dreamily.   
  
"One mile to every inch of  
  
Your skin like porcelain  
  
One pair of candy lips and  
  
Your bubblegum tongue"  
  
She winked. "Ok." she said as she traced the bandage on his neck. He shivered. "Oh, now," she asked, "May I have found the inpenetrable Trowa   
  
Barton's weakness?" she said, looking up at him. She bent over him, and kissed him slightly, ever so softly. "Trowa Barton has no weakness." He said,  
  
smiling down at her, with eager eyes. She laughed. "You know, for a pilot, you're a really bad liar."...  
  
"And if you want love  
  
We'll make it  
  
Swimming a deep sea  
  
Of blankets  
  
Take all your big plans  
  
And break 'em  
  
This is bound to be a while"  
  
"Hey, you know where the rest of the guys are?" she asked, as she flopped herself over the couch onto his lap. "Out," he said, mesmerized. "Well,"  
  
she said, importantly, "That's good." He smiled, as she took off her socks. "What are you looking at?" she laughed.   
  
"Your body Is a wonderland  
  
Your body is a wonder   
  
(I'll use my hands)  
  
Your body Is a wonderland"  
  
"Umm..your socks..." she laughed, and kissed him. She stood up, and turned off the lights. "Wow, It's dark in space." she said, as she strew her clothes  
  
on the floor. He laughed, "It's not so bad," he said, as she came to him, warm, silky body pressed against his own. "You know," she said, between kisses,  
  
"It was a really bad idea to leave us here alone in the dark. I have no idea what they were thinking." she said, as she let her hair down. God, he loved  
  
that girl, and all the pain in the world was worth it.  
  
"Something 'bout the way your hair   
  
falls in your face  
  
I love the shape you take when crawling   
  
towards the pillowcase  
  
You tell me where to go and  
  
Though I might leave to find it  
  
I'll never let your head hit the bed  
  
Without my hand behind it"  
  
He brushed her hair away form her face, and it fell back down. He smiled. This was ridiculous, and wrong. Yet, it felt incredibly right. Like freedom for a  
  
prisoner who hadn't seen the light for years. He had been a prisoner inside himself, and she had set him free. The walls around him began to shatter, as   
  
if made of some sort of glass. Yes. That was right. Even the most untouchable people can fall. We are all as fragile as glass, when faced with some  
  
things. And so it is our minds, our hearts, our souls are like glass. Shattered, like a window pane...shattered. We are glass. Our body is glass. So  
  
delicate, so neatly woven and intertwined. Heated, and made.   
  
"I was wondering," she began. "Why did you, you know." he raised himself, as in a pushup, and rested up on one of his elbows. "I owe you." why   
  
couldn't he do it? Goddamnit! He'd give anything to admit that he loved her, and wanted her! If only. "Oh," she said, semi-dissapointed. "Were you   
  
expecting something else?" He asked curiously. She ruffled a hand through his hair. "Sort of. But I guess this isn't a fairytale world, and I shouldn't   
  
expect some prince to come along and fall in love with me..." she faded off. "If that's how you want it, I'll be anything you want me to be." he said,   
  
emerald eyes gleaming and seeming oh so sincere.   
  
"You want love?  
  
We'll make it  
  
Swimming a deep sea  
  
Of blankets  
  
Take all your big plans  
  
And break 'em  
  
This is bound to be a while  
  
Your body Is a wonderland  
  
Your body is a wonder   
  
(I'll use my hands)  
  
Your body Is a wonderland"  
  
He traced her body with the free hand.   
  
"Damn baby  
  
You frustrate me  
  
I know you're mine all mine all mine  
  
But you look so good it hurts sometimes"  
  
He kissed her eyelids. "You're beautiful..." he trailed off. He couldn't stand this. This was way off protocol. But, he loved her. F*ck protocol right now, he  
  
thought. She smiled. Even in the dark he could make out her features. "Only because I'm looking at you..." she said, pulling up the sheet.  
  
(A.N: The couch was a pullout couch, so people could sleep on it)  
  
"Your body Is a wonderland  
  
Your body is a wonder   
  
(I'll use my hands)  
  
Your body is a wonderland  
  
Your body Is a wonderland"  
  
"Hey dudes, we're ho-What the hell?!?!?" Came Duo's voice from the door. Some items scattered on the floor. "Oops!" Kita laughed, pulling up the cover  
  
even further. "Hey, dude, ever heard of knocking?" "Hey, dude," Duo's voice came back. "Ever heard of getting a room?" She laughed. In the last week  
  
or so, Duo and her had become great friends. Their personalities were extremely similar, and they both loved humour. "Cat, get some clothes on, I gotta  
  
get out there and put out a stop sign before Wufei comes in." "Ok," she laughed. "Before Wufei comes in what?" he asked as he walked through the   
  
door. "This day just gets better and better!" he grumbled, Quatre following closely behind him. "AAAH! Quatre!" Duo yelled playfully, "Shield your virgin  
  
eyes!" as he jumped, and tackled him to the floor. Kita laughed. "You know, this is absolutely ridiculous." "Maybe for you, but what about us. Come on,   
  
get up before Hero goes all "Omae o korosu" on you."  
  
"Ok, close your eyes, and let me get my clothes." she laughed. Apart from being sweet, the other pilots thought she had a great body (thanks to those  
  
nice, tight fitting, low/high cut things). Duo grinned. "Ok, I'm giving you 10 seconds. Ten...Nine..." She grabbed her clothes, and started frantically  
  
putting them on. She had her bra and skirt on before Duo reached one. "Well, night all. I'm heading in early." she said, rubbing her eyes. She cheerily  
  
waved back, and went through the door.   
  
"You know," said Duo, laughing at Trowa's incredibly red face. "I don't get it. I don't know how you do it, dude, but whatever it is, teach me." He just  
  
looked at him blankly. What was he supposed to tell him, anyways. Duo was the player, and that was obvious. But, Duo wanted her, because he always  
  
wanted what he couldn't have, despite the fact that she had a great personailty. "Dude, are you still alive?" Trowa nodded. How was he supposed to   
  
tell Duo that he didn't even know how he did it, and even why. God she was beautiful, but there was something else, something more. But even in   
  
thinking such, he realised it was a mistake. A huge huge mistake. She didn't realise it, not yet, but he did. She'd be used against him, he was sure of it.   
  
They wanted her anyways. That's why she was here in the first place. Not to fall in love with a worthless pilot.  
  
The glass shattered, again, but this time for a different reason. Our hearts are like glass, and like glass, we shall crumble and fall before those who   
  
destroy us. There is no picking up and putting the pieces together. Once you've fallen, it was a one way trip. Or, are some things meant to be shattered?  
  
We are...  
  
We will be...  
  
Shattered.  
  
"Your body Is a wonderland  
  
Your body is a wonder   
  
(I'll use my hands)  
  
Your body is a wonderland  
  
Your body Is a wonderland" 


	8. The dance: Sorrow and beauty

I hope you dance...  
  
"Yo, mail just came in from Relena and the rest of 'em," Duo chided, sipping his morning coffee. Heero's eyebrows arched   
  
slightly. "What now?" he asked, pretending not to make it too obvious. "Something we need to do, Kit-Kat needs to do."   
  
Everyone looked at her. "Umm, can't someone else do it?" she asked nervously, reminded of how last time turned out. "Well,   
  
technically it's for all of us, but...you have to get us in. You can do that can't you? I mean, it's, you have   
  
connections..." "Oh ya." She smiled, obviously pleased with herself. "Who?" asked Wufei, looking up. "Though you may not see  
  
it, Wufei, this smile wins the heart of everyone she meets," he added cornily, making a face. She laughed. "I know Princess   
  
Tuuliari. Close friend of mine. It just so happens that she's having a ball sometime this week...That couldn't be it, could   
  
it? Hmmm...must be. Because everyone of influencial power will be in that building...I mean, you have to get an invitation   
  
to get in...That would be the weak spot! If someone got assassinated there, there'd be total chaos, and it would be so easy   
  
to..." Quatre interrupted her, before she went on any longer. "Hmm. Brains too." he smiled at her. "No sh*t sherlock,"   
  
responded Duo, stirring the sugar around. Quatre grimmaced. Even though he didn't want to admit it, he was falling for that   
  
same smile too..  
  
"So what exactly does it say, Duo?" piped up Trowa, standing up, gently moving her arm over. He read it aloud.   
  
"Miss Kita(na) and guest(s) are invited to the ball of the Confedarate Peace Organization (C.P.O) held by Princess Alana   
  
Tuuliari."  
  
*5 minutes and still reading*  
  
"With deepest regards,  
  
The Imperial Court, and members of the C.P.O."  
  
"Well then," said heero, looking up. "That was long enough." Everyone agreed. "So then," Kita asked. "Tonight? How are we   
  
supposed to be ready for this,exactly? I mean, this is high maitenance...You can't just go wearing spandex, or something, and  
  
I can't go wearing jeans..." Quatre nodded. "I remembered the last one in my court...But, didn't Duo say something about a   
  
package waiting...something about a doorbell? And besides, we still have tuxes from Relena's party, any how." "mhm." she   
  
nodded. "Ok." "Uhm, do you guys have hot water, like not cold freezing water for the shower?" They nodded. So, she trampled   
  
on upstairs."And, um, I wouldn't suppose you have a full length mirror, uhm, bobby pins, and umm...Herbal essences?"*silence*  
  
Duo bravely attempted that one. "Ummmmmm..ask Quatre, no, and ummm...My third drawer on the left..." The rest of the pilots  
  
burst out laughing."The God of death wears lip gloss! Hahahahahahaha!" "Um, baka," said Kita quickly, as not to dampen Duo's  
  
spirit,and, as always wanted, a chance to get back at Wufei for that first day, "Herbal essences is shampoo."  
  
*20 minutes later*  
  
*Herbal essences moaning sounds come form the bathroom*   
  
Heero: @_@  
  
Wufei: X_X  
  
Quatre: 0.0;  
  
Trowa: -_-'  
  
Duo: ^___^  
  
*Yes! Yes! comes form the bathroom*  
  
Heero: 00;  
  
Wufei: 00;  
  
Quatre: 00;   
  
Trowa: ...  
  
Duo: ^________________________________^  
  
"Wow..." attempted Quatre, trying anything to make conversation and hopefully divert the subject. "I never knew a shampoo  
  
could do that..." He and the other pilots just sat there astonished. Then the doorbell rang. "Hmmm so this must be the thing   
  
that the letter was talking about! Is it Kita's *guiyiyiyiyi*" he froze, making a coughing sound as yet another fruity spasm  
  
occured. The post dude looked up at him. "Herbal essences, huh?" Duo nodded. "You wouldn't happen to know why all women are  
  
like that, do you?" Duo asked perplexed, as if this UPS guy had all life's answers. "Nope. I'm just a delivery guy. But gotta  
  
love it!" he said smiling, and left. Ya...gotta love it...  
  
"Hey! Is that for me," came Kita's voice from behind him. Her silky wet hand touched his own. All he could do was pray that  
  
nothing would become of this. He looked confused at the rest of the pilots. They quietly snickered and shrugged. "I said, is  
  
that for me?" she said flashing him a pretty smile. He nodded, trying not to look at her. There was little to leave to the   
  
imagination anymore. The white towel hugged her tightly, carressing her curves, and riding too low and high at the same time.  
  
Her arm held a knot she had made at the top, and he prayed to God, just for a second, that she'd let it go. Her beautiful  
  
brown hair was let down, and he had never seen it that way before. It cascaded over her shoulders, over her chest, to her  
  
hips. He blinked hard for a moment. He hadn't seen anything that beautiful in his entire life. "Yup. I think it's your   
  
evening wear." "hmmm. Good." she kissed him on the cheek, and ran upstairs, ripped off the towel, and closed the door.  
  
"Look, Kitana, we're going to be late. You've been up there for hours. What have you been doing?" Wufei called from   
  
downstairs. They were already dressed in tuxes, and playfully making fun of the other. Trowa just shifted his weight on a  
  
wall like usual. Quatre was standing, but now was tired, and went to sit on the couch. He passed Trowa. "Trowa, are you  
  
going to ask her to dance tonight?" He giggled girlishly. Trowa plainly looked at the floor. There's no turning back now,  
  
he thought. "Oh, c'mon Trowa! You need to have fun too, you know. And I think if you don't Duo will!" Trowa smirked. There  
  
was no doubt of that. "And what," said Duo, getting up to make space for Quatre, "may I ask is wrong with that. She's a  
  
beautiful girl, man." he said, then shut up.   
  
*20 minutes later*  
  
"Ok, look, KitKat, you know that I love you, babe, but you have to hurry it up. Do you need help?" asked Duo, starting to   
  
get morally pissed. A muffled, dissapointed "I'm ok," came from the room. "What's wrong?" asked Trowa, immediately standing  
  
straight up. (Heero laughed, mentioning that Trowa cared enough to even look up for her, but not anyone else.) "I...umm  
  
does this uhh...make my butt look big?" He laughed. The first real laugh in a while. The rest of them looked absoultely  
  
shocked (AN: 00;; I KNOW!!!) "Well, you haven't shown me, so I don't know." he smiled. God he loved that girl. Then why...  
  
"Ok. I'm coming down. But you guys, especially you, Maxwell, have to promise not to laugh, ok?" An echo of "fine" and   
  
"alright"s came from downstairs. He took a deep breath, opened the door and started downstairs.  
  
Not one mouth had not hit the floor. There was no way to legibly explain how beautiful she looked. Her hair was put up into  
  
a high messy bun. She highlighted her eyes with a beautiful silver shadow, and had elongated her eyelashes with a dark blue  
  
mascara. She looked like a doll. She wore a necklace. It was probably diamonds. She shone brighter than they did, though. And  
  
there, on her left wrist, was something Trowa didn't expect to see there. That same bracelet he had given her 13 years ago.  
  
Her dress was a beautiful crystal blue. It wasn't quite short, nor long. She wore silver shoes, that must have been atleast 6   
  
inches high. If there was a better example of perfect, goddamn, they hadn't seen in. They gaped at her.   
  
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder  
  
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger  
  
"Dammit! I knew it! Urgh, what else is wrong?" she asked, judging by their faces. "wrong?" Wufei managed to splutter out.   
  
Even he, the invincible, sane, moral, Wufei found it difficult to breathe around her now. "N-nothing. You look great,   
  
Kitana. Absolutely b-b-beautiful." She laughed. "If it's from Wufei, it's a compliment then," she said smiling. She had  
  
made her first slow-motion entrance on board. "Why's everyone so quiet! C'mon! It can't be that bad to wear a tux! It's only  
  
for a couple of hours." She got no reaction. "Ok...I'm kind of freaked out...ummm..are we going then?" she asked. They  
  
nodded, and slowly came back to reality.   
  
Quatre extended his arm, and she took it, daintily stepping out of the car. "Wow, big turn out." said Heero, eyeing around  
  
for any sight of Relena. Duo nodded. They stepped to the door. The man smiled at Kit. "Ahh, Miss Kitana. Welcome back. I  
  
presume all is well." She smiled. "Mr. Langhoh, a pleasure, as always. Surprised you still remember me, though." It was  
  
his turn to smile. "Can't ever forget a beautiful face like yours, milday. Doubt they can't either." he said, pointing to  
  
the 5 of them, standing helplessly, staring at her still. She caught Trowa's glance for a second, then diverted her attention  
  
back to the man. "Who are they?" "My guests. Good friends of mine, and Miss Relena." He nodded, without asking further   
  
questions. She leaned over to kiss his cheek. He returned it with a warm hug, and bent closer, and whispered "take care of  
  
yourself. Be careful. You never know what could happen when you're associating yourself..." "I'll be fine." she cut him off,   
  
and all 6 of them made their way inside.  
  
It was lavishly decorated. And Huge. Definately huge. They made their way around, mostly Kit, meeting and greeting, as a   
  
royal courtisan should do. She got tired of it after a while. Trowa saw the opportunity. "Kit...you wanna go outside for   
  
a minute?" he asked, unsure how to phrase it. She nodded. "Duo, please tell Count Valinmore I will be outside, and  
  
inform him if any of 'them' appear, to send for me." he nodded. She placed a hand on Trowa's arm then, as was accustomed.  
  
They walked outside, into the garden, stopping by a fountain. "What's up Tro-kun?" she asked, smile never leaving her face.  
  
"Hmm...wanted to talk to you Kit." he said, without emotion. She nodded. "Lay it on me." He kept a straight face. "How  
  
come you always have to be so serious?" she asked, tracing his knuckles with her fingertips. He looked up at her with  
  
pleading eyes. "How come you never are." She smiled. "Because I dont wan't to. If I was always serious I wouldn't ever get   
  
anywhere. I think it seperates us from being humans and being people. People feel. People disregard. People take things for  
  
granted. There not all good things, but they make us people. People like me...we don't have time to be serious. We spend our   
  
time making sure everyone else is happy. That we are. We take for granted what we have, and never really understand until we  
  
don't have it anymore, I guess. We underestimate the power of a smile. A friend. A kiss. We just expect something to happen   
  
for us, not to happen to us. We always think that we'll be okay. That there will be something out there for us. We don't   
  
worry. We know, that in being ourselves everything will turn out okay. We can afford to smile. Maybe it's because we're naive  
  
or something else. I don't know. But that doesn't make me right either." She paused for a minute, sighed, and looked deep   
  
into his eyes.  
  
"Alright. I tried to explain myself. What's your deal?" "I don't have to be, I guess. I don't see a point in making a   
  
big deal about such small and unimportant things. Being a pilot, I learned that not everything is fun and games, Kit. You  
  
won't necessarily have anything when you get back. You'll be left with nothing. I don't want you to be left with nothing Kit.  
  
It's a lesson I learned a long time ago. I guess that's why I am the way I am." She smiled, drew herself a little bit closer  
  
and whispered, "I think that's why I love you. Don't ever change the way you are." She leaned over and quietly half-sang a  
  
verse of a sweet melody to him.  
  
"May you never take one single breath for granted  
  
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed"  
  
His eyes clouded over for a minute. "Don't ever let anything like that get to you. Please don't ever change who you are.   
  
Don't let people or pride change you. You're too pure for that." He smiled, unsure what to say for a minute. Then he opened  
  
his eyes for the first time in years. "That's why I am the way I am...I let things get to me...bottle them up inside.   
  
Everything's led me in the wrong direction. I've made my own mistakes Kit. I close the doors for myself. I agreed to this in  
  
the first place I'm a pilot, because I fight for who and what I believe in. But I don't know what to believe anymore..."   
  
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean  
  
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens  
  
"You've gotta have faith, Trowa. You've gotta give it a fighting chance." He stared at the sky. "I've fought for it all the  
  
chances I could. I've lost hope in faith, Kita, and it has lost all hope in me. I give up. Game over, Kita. I don't want  
  
to play this damn game anymore!" He said pounding his fists into the concrete blocks. She looked up at him with grave eyes.  
  
"Trowa..." she said, in barely a whisper. "You can't believe this is true." "Prove me wrong, Kita! Prove me goddamn wrong!"  
  
he challenged, emerald eyes blazing with intense fire. Her lip quivered slightly. "Those are bold words Trowa.However..."  
  
Promise me that youll give faith a fighting chance  
  
And when you get the choice to sit out or dance  
  
I hope you dance I hope you dance  
  
"Faith hasn't lost hope in you. Not just yet...but you've given up on trusting faith. Tell me, if you weren't faithful to  
  
me, or I to you, why are we here? Why did you save me?" "I..." He didn't understand how she could tell him more about himself  
  
than he could. "No...Trowa. I think you're afraid. Afraid to let go. Of the future. Don't let that take control of you, or  
  
you'll forget everything you ever were. Everything you ever will be, and everyone you ever loved." She paused, taking what  
  
she was saying in. She didn't even know what she had said. It had just came out. Like most stuff did when she was talking  
  
to him. "I remember, yah, I still do," she said, a single tear glistening her polished cheek. "When I told you I was afraid   
  
of life? Do you know what you told me?" His glanced traced her face. God, why couldn't he just get it overwith? "No." She  
  
smiled. "Me neither. But I bet you I can guess. You always told me to be the best I could. To reach for those stars, Trowa.  
  
You told me never to take the easy way out. That way doesn't profit you anythng except regret, Tro."   
  
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance  
  
Never settle for the path of least resistance  
  
He looked at her with a blank expression. "I don't take chances with crap like that. That's what gets you killed, Kit." He  
  
said, eyes yet again, reaching towards the sky. "No." she said solemly, taking his hand, in her own, in a firm grip. "You're  
  
wrong, Trowa. I wont stand aside and watch you waste your life. You could make something of yourself. You're a good person,  
  
Trowa, despite what you, yourself, our anyone else thinks." She pleaded, more tears rolling down her face. "You're a good  
  
person." He unhitched his hand from her own. "No, I'm not. And I have made something of myself, Kitana, like it or not. This  
  
is what I want to do. Why can't you understand that?" She looked up at him with a sense of pure hatred, yet sorrow drained   
  
her anger. "You lie, Trowa Barton. You know in your heart that you have a purpose for something more. You're my friend. I   
  
don't want you to waste your life. But I see that you can't understand that. No big deal to you if you blow yourself up, you  
  
don't care. But did you ever stop to think someone else would? Did you ever think about how I would feel? Goddamit, Trowa!  
  
I've tried everything! I just can't get you to see that there's more to life...can I?" She said, voice becoming increasingly  
  
silent.He looked up into her chocolate eyes. "This was a mistake." He said simply, getting up to walk away. "I don't need   
  
this." "YOu don't need what, Trowa? You don't need to know that I'm in love with you, and don't want you to get yourself   
  
killed? Trowa, please. Try to be sensible." "Sensible?" he yelled, making two birds fly out of a tree. "You want me to be  
  
sensible? Why don't you take your own advice? God! Sensible? Ever since you've been here, nothing's made any sense. You've  
  
screwed everything up for me! Does it look like I want to have to throw my life around? The only reason I'm doing this is   
  
bcause of your father."  
  
Livin might mean takin chances but theyre worth takin  
  
Lovin might be a mistake but its worth makin  
  
That struck her pretty hard. She just about lost it. "Idiot, don't take it out on me just because you don't know anything!   
  
Does your past really matter that much to you? Am I nothing? Do you even care about anyone, other than yourself, Trowa!  
  
God! How could I be so ignorant. It's been obvious, hasn't it. Stupid excuses, to get out of everything, just because he  
  
doesn't want to lose the game. Just because...he..doesn't care!" She spat. Wow. That coming from her hurt worse than a   
  
bullet. She knew nothing! It wasn't like he didn't care about her! She's screwn up everything for him! But still, he loved  
  
her more than his life. He got up, and raised his hand. He applied force to it, and sent it towards her face. Then...he   
  
thought it over,stopped short,and ran as fast as he could. He had to get out of this place. Anything to get away from the  
  
girl who could cause him so much pain, yet turn his whole life around with her smile. Anything...  
  
Dont let some hell bent heart leave you bitter  
  
When you come close to sellin out reconsider  
  
He ran until he couldn't breathe anymore. He made a last effort to look up at the beautiful night sky before finding his  
  
was inside. At that same very moment, a tear streaked Kita did the exact same thing. Why was life so cruel? Dear God, she   
  
prayed, don't let him do something stupid. I love him. He might not love me, but I love him with all my heart. Trowa glanced  
  
around the crowds of people, and silently prayed to God, something he had never done before. She might hate me, but it had  
  
to be this way. I love her...God don't let her take it to heart, don't let her hurt herself. Then he turned, and left for  
  
the room that was assigned for all 6 of them. He again silently prayed taht she wasn't there, because he needed time to cool   
  
off. She was right. Excuses, she had told him, and that was exactly right. It wasn't only that he was afraid for her, but  
  
that he was afraid for, and of himself.  
  
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance  
  
And when you get the choice to sit out or dance  
  
I hope you danceI hope you dance  
  
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along)  
  
I hope you danceI hope you dance  
  
(Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder, where those years have gone)  
  
She looked at the alabaster floor. What had she done? If she hadn't forced this all onto him, he would have never left.   
  
She silently wondered where he was, and what he was thinking. Maybe she should go find him and apologize. But then again,  
  
compared to him, had she been wrong at all? Thoughts rippled through her like an ebbing tide. A sole voice was the only  
  
thing to bring her back down to earth. "Hello...? Are you okay? Hello?" She smiled at the man infront of her, telling the  
  
man the unhonest truth. "Yes, I'm fine. Sorry about that, I have a lot on my mind." He smiled. His smile was amazing. She  
  
swore it could have made any girl anywhere melt. "So I see. You know, you look totally fine tonight," he said, taking another  
  
sip of what seemed to be a cosmopolitan. She laughed. He obviously didn't have a high tolerance for alcohol. Despite that  
  
fact though, he was extremely good looking. She smiled at him, and he in return, smiled back. "Do you dance?" he asked,   
  
taking her hand, and kissing it in a comical fashion. She laughed. "Yes, I'm pretty sure I do. Would you like to dance with  
  
me...uh..." "Spike." The man said, eyes never waivering fomr her own. A smile errupted on her lips. "The infamous bounty  
  
hunter?" "Naturally," he said, escorting her into the dance hall of the ballroom.   
  
The rest of the night, they had shared drinks, and danced. She was saddened, though. He was great and all, but there was only  
  
one person she had wanted to dance with...and Spike wasn't that person...  
  
I wonder where he's gone... 


	9. AUTHOR'S NOTICE!

NOTICE!!!!!!!!  
  
THERE WERE TOO MANY WORDS ON THE LAST CHAPTER, SO IT B22'd. IM POSTING THE REST OF THEM IN THE NEXT CHAPTER. SORRY FOR THE  
  
INCONVENIENCE!  
  
OK PPL, REVIEW AND READ! HAVE SOME DECENCY!!!! I WORKED SO HARD LOL! ^^  
  
LOVE ALWAYS, STEPHANIE 


	10. Past differences: Being people Lonely an...

She said, voice becoming increasingly  
  
silent.He looked up into her chocolate eyes. "This was a mistake." He said simply, getting up to walk away. "I don't need   
  
this." "YOu don't need what, Trowa? You don't need to know that I'm in love with you, and don't want you to get yourself   
  
killed? Trowa, please. Try to be sensible." "Sensible?" he yelled, making two birds fly out of a tree. "You want me to be  
  
sensible? Why don't you take your own advice? God! Sensible? Ever since you've been here, nothing's made any sense. You've  
  
screwed everything up for me! Does it look like I want to have to throw my life around? The only reason I'm doing this is   
  
bcause of your father."  
  
Livin might mean takin chances but theyre worth takin  
  
Lovin might be a mistake but its worth makin  
  
That struck her pretty hard. She just about lost it. "Idiot, don't take it out on me just because you don't know anything!   
  
Does your past really matter that much to you? Am I nothing? Do you even care about anyone, other than yourself, Trowa!  
  
God! How could I be so ignorant. It's been obvious, hasn't it. Stupid excuses, to get out of everything, just because he  
  
doesn't want to lose the game. Just because...he..doesn't care!" She spat. Wow. That coming from her hurt worse than a   
  
bullet. She knew nothing! It wasn't like he didn't care about her! She's screwn up everything for him! But still, he loved  
  
her more than his life. He got up, and raised his hand. He applied force to it, and sent it towards her face. Then...he   
  
thought it over,stopped short,and ran as fast as he could. He had to get out of this place. Anything to get away from the  
  
girl who could cause him so much pain, yet turn his whole life around with her smile. Anything...  
  
Dont let some hell bent heart leave you bitter  
  
When you come close to sellin out reconsider  
  
He ran until he couldn't breathe anymore. He made a last effort to look up at the beautiful night sky before finding his  
  
was inside. At that same very moment, a tear streaked Kita did the exact same thing. Why was life so cruel? Dear God, she   
  
prayed, don't let him do something stupid. I love him. He might not love me, but I love him with all my heart. Trowa glanced  
  
around the crowds of people, and silently prayed to God, something he had never done before. She might hate me, but it had  
  
to be this way. I love her...God don't let her take it to heart, don't let her hurt herself. Then he turned, and left for  
  
the room that was assigned for all 6 of them. He again silently prayed taht she wasn't there, because he needed time to cool   
  
off. She was right. Excuses, she had told him, and that was exactly right. It wasn't only that he was afraid for her, but  
  
that he was afraid for, and of himself.  
  
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance  
  
And when you get the choice to sit out or dance  
  
I hope you danceI hope you dance  
  
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along)  
  
I hope you danceI hope you dance  
  
(Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder, where those years have gone)  
  
She looked at the alabaster floor. What had she done? If she hadn't forced this all onto him, he would have never left.   
  
She silently wondered where he was, and what he was thinking. Maybe she should go find him and apologize. But then again,  
  
compared to him, had she been wrong at all? Thoughts rippled through her like an ebbing tide. A sole voice was the only  
  
thing to bring her back down to earth. "Hello...? Are you okay? Hello?" She smiled at the man infront of her, telling the  
  
man the unhonest truth. "Yes, I'm fine. Sorry about that, I have a lot on my mind." He smiled. His smile was amazing. She  
  
swore it could have made any girl anywhere melt. "So I see. You know, you look totally fine tonight," he said, taking another  
  
sip of what seemed to be a cosmopolitan. She laughed. He obviously didn't have a high tolerance for alcohol. Despite that  
  
fact though, he was extremely good looking. She smiled at him, and he in return, smiled back. "Do you dance?" he asked,   
  
taking her hand, and kissing it in a comical fashion. She laughed. "Yes, I'm pretty sure I do. Would you like to dance with  
  
me...uh..." "Spike." The man said, eyes never waivering fomr her own. A smile errupted on her lips. "The infamous bounty  
  
hunter?" "Naturally," he said, escorting her into the dance hall of the ballroom.   
  
The rest of the night, they had shared drinks, and danced. She was saddened, though. He was great and all, but there was only  
  
one person she had wanted to dance with...and Spike wasn't that person...  
  
I wonder where he's gone... 


	11. The Aftermath: Destiny?

He yawned playfully. "So, who did you come here with anyways, sweetheart?" she bit her lip for a second. "A couple of people. Why? It doesn't matter, does it?" He nodded. "Doesn't matter  
  
where you're from, as long as you know where your going, I suppose." he said, flicking the cigarette ash to the floor. She smiled. "You know that's bad for you." He looked up at her, and laughed. "Ya. So?"  
  
His defiancy amused her. "Well, I don't want you dying on me, now do I?" He stepped out the cigarette. "Lots of people do. Why not you?" That caught her off guard a bit.  
  
"We've been through enough tequila  
  
To float us outta this place  
  
And through the smoke I can barely see ya'  
  
But I've memorized your face"  
  
His face seemed expressionless, yet it showed urgency. She memorized every feature. "Well, I wouldn't have a dance partner." she smiled. He nodded. "How long have we been out here anyways? It's  
  
getting pretty late." "A couple of hours. These royal people don't know how to throw a party, now do they?" she smiled. He lit another cigarette. "Why? Do you want to go inside or something?" She looked  
  
up at him. "It's just that I'm a little bit cold. We can stay out here if you want. It's nice to be out with someone you can talk to," She stammered. "Besides. The stars are beautiful." He grabbed her hand.   
  
"No, babe. The stars aint as beautiful as you." And then he kissed her. The way she had never been kissed before. His agressiveness suprised her, but yet, it satisfied her. It was like he had really meant it.  
  
But then again, they had been drinking quite a lot. He pulled back. "Well I guess then," he said looking around. "It's just me and you." He put his suit jacket over her shoulders.  
  
We've danced almost every dance  
  
Lasted longer then the band  
  
Oh but we're not through  
  
It's just me and you  
  
She smiled. "Yah. How many drinks have you had anyways?" "I don't know." He said looking up at the sky. "But it doesn't matter. It don't distort me that much. I can tell that anywhere I'll ever go, and  
  
everywhere I've been nothing takes my breath away as much as you do tonight. The most beautiful girl looking on at me. I can't be that bad then," he said, picking a single red rose from princess Tuuliari's  
  
garden. She smiled. She didn't care if he was drunk. He did appreciate her, and knew how to talk, even if it was a little slurred. She kissed his lips, ever so softly. "So what do we do now?"  
  
What do we do with the rest of the night  
  
We got all of this time on our hands  
  
Hey a lot can go down 'fore the sun comes up  
  
Between a woman and a man  
  
No we don't have to worry 'bout the rest of our lives  
  
But what do we do with the rest of the night  
  
They creeped silently up the courtyard stairs, and around through the ballroom. They were talking and laughing. The smile never seemed to leave their faces. They were so similar...yet so different. But that  
  
was why she liked him. He was everything she was ever looking for...wasn't he? He had this gorgeous smile. His hair was wild, like he was. He seemed to ooze confidence, and a warm heart, even though he  
  
tried to hide it away in his liquor. They crept up the main stairs, and around to the third floor. She sat on the bed, while he put up the do not disturb on the door. This was all happening way too fast. But  
  
she wanted it like this. She wanted to drown all her problems on a stranger. But he didn't feel like it. She got along so well with him, she felt she had known him all her life, like Trowa...She made her way   
  
towards the fridge, and got herself another drink. She poured one for him too. He sat patiently on the bed, smoking another cigarette. Boy, he'd better stop doing that, or he'd be dead quick-time. She  
  
gave it to him, and said she'd be back. She stole one of the sheets off of his bed. She'd obviously forgot to bring a change of clothes.   
  
We can take this party down to the river  
  
Lay a blanket on the grass  
  
Watch the stars tangle up together  
  
While the night slides past  
  
We can do what we wanna do  
  
Roll away that book of rules  
  
We'll make our own  
  
Hey nothing's carved in stone  
  
She came out of the bathroom, white sheet loosely wrapped around her body. "Toga party!" she smiled, and jumped on the bed. He laughed at her. God, she was beautiful. The white sheet cascaded around  
  
her curves, and revealed just enough to make it seem classy. She smiled up at him, and then let go. She lay beside him. He touched her hair, as it wrapped itself around the pillow. Her cream skin seemed  
  
to go on forever, for miles. Her chocolate eyes gleamed up at him, and he just couldn't seem to look away. Her lips were too pink to be true, and they felt so good against his skin. Her small hands caressed his  
  
body and hair, making him shiver. Her long powerful legs warpped themselves around him, and seemed to drown him. Her toenails were painted pink, to match the colour in her cheeks. Her arms seemed to  
  
hold him together. If they moved, he swore to God, he'd fall apart. Her body pushed itself against him, until their hearts beated at the same time. She looked up at him. The stars shone in his eyes, and  
  
echoed through his limber body...  
  
What do we do with the rest of the night  
  
We got all of this time on our hands  
  
Hey a lot can go down 'fore the sun comes up  
  
Between a woman and a man  
  
No we don't have to worry 'bout the rest of our lives  
  
But what do we do with the rest of the night  
  
They moved in shadow, for the rest of the night. She let go of all her emotions, and he let go of all his barriers and bounties. Two empty people had given up on being empty. They had eachother. And right  
  
now, that was all they needed.   
  
What do we do with the rest of the night  
  
We got all of this time on our hands  
  
Hey a lot can go down 'fore the sun comes up  
  
Between a woman and a man  
  
No we don't have to worry 'bout the rest of our lives  
  
But what do we do with the rest of the night  
  
Silently, sheets moving, he gave up everything he'd ever owned for that girl. He loved her more than life itself. He never wanted anything else ever again, for the rest of his life. He didn't know why...but  
  
as the night slowly moved on, he'd figured it out. Something had been playing on the radio, while they were playing under the sheets, and he had finally understood.  
  
I've waited all of my life to find my destiny  
  
Then like a sunrise appears, you came to me...  
  
I never knew it before that I could feel this way,  
  
I thought I'd lost my faith,  
  
But since you captured my heart,  
  
I can say, oh, that...  
  
Love can change your mind, I know  
  
Love can move your heart and soul  
  
And just when you think  
  
Hope has gone and left you behind  
  
Love can change your mind.  
  
Picture it if you will, heaven right here on earth,  
  
Suddenly, everything's new,  
  
Now, I can see what believing was worth, oh, 'cause...  
  
I was so lost and alone  
  
I felt like my angels had flown away  
  
But now my heart has come home  
  
And I know that it's here to stay, oh, 'cause...   
  
Love can change your mind, I know  
  
Love can move your heart and soul  
  
And just when you think  
  
Hope has gone and left you behind  
  
Love can change your mind  
  
Those simple verses had changed his outlook on life. She had, even though he nor she could truly understand what had really happened that night. He had given up on love a long time ago. She just recently.  
  
Through that night, they had figured out one of life's most important lessons. Never give up on love. After all these years, he finally understood. But did she? He thought to himself. If she'd figured it out  
  
too... She'd leave him, wouldn't she? She'd been asleep for a while, but he couldn't. He kissed her eyes, rolled over, and joined her in a land of dreams...where maybe, just maybe...they could be together.  
  
If only for a couple minutes before the sunlight hit her face. God, he swore he'd never ever let anything come between those dreams. 


	12. The morning: Distinguish the difference ...

The light twinkled in her eyes. She yawned quietly, and rolled over, only to discover something...intriguing. Right next to her, lay a man. A gorgeous one at that..Her memories began to flood back to her,  
  
piece by piece. She smiled, thinking about last night. But she shouldn't be here, and she knew it. It had been eating at her all night long. She didn't belong here. She belonged with Trowa. She knew it was  
  
true, even if he didn't. She quietly grabbed some clothes, and headed out the door, kissing him quietly on the forehead as she went. I wonder if he'd worried about me...She smiled, figuring he wouldn't. That  
  
stupid pilot thing, I guess. God, why were guys so un-emotional. She shrugged, and headed down the hallway. She looked down every corridor, searching for room numbers. God, she had a bad headache!  
  
You took your coat off and stood in the rain.  
  
You were always crazy like that.  
  
She finally stopped, at a room, at the end of the corridor. She didn't dare go in, but watched from outside. There was a boy. Sitting on the floor. Looking up at the sky. But he wasn't just looking at the sky,  
  
from what Kita noticed. It seemed like...he was praying. She tried to catch on to the words that he spoke so softly. She couldn't make much sense of it, but of what she could, she began to cry. Those  
  
simple honest words broke her heart. She suddenly felt scared. Alone. Uncomfortable. In all the time she had been gone with that other man, was he sitting here by himself. Looking at the sky for any sign of  
  
guidance? God. The mere thought sent a fresh batch of tears streaming down her face.   
  
And I watched from my window,  
  
But I always felt I was outisde, looking in on you.  
  
"...I don't know if she realises yet...but, please. Just please. She means more to me than anything or else. No one will ever love her as much as I do, and I swear on that. I don't care about me, just make   
  
sure she gets on alright. I don't ever want to see hre cry again. There isn't anything as sad as that in the universe. God, don't ever let her cry again. I'd give my life for that one wish. Let her be happy. Make  
  
her smile, and make mistakes. Let her be happy. So I finally can. After all of these years of pain and suffering. Treat her good, because I can't...No one will ever love her as much as me..."  
  
You were always the mysterious one,  
  
With dark eyes and carelss hair  
  
You were fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care.  
  
She couldn't take it anymore. She knocked on the door, more fiercly, though, than she had meant to. His eyes barely shifted. "Can I come in?" she asked, voice quivering. He nodded. Everything after that   
  
was quiet. She couldn't stand the uncomfortableness of the situation. She finally broke down. Fell to the floor, and buried her face in a pillow. He reached a hand over to her shoulder. He touched it lightly,  
  
then drew it back.   
  
You stood in my way, without nothing to say,  
  
Besides some comment on the weather.  
  
But incase you failed to notice,  
  
Incase you failed to see,  
  
This is my heart, bleeding before you.  
  
This is me down on my knees.  
  
She looked in severe pain. He could tell. Something was definately bothering her. Her shot down his pride, for the first time in his life, and sat down beside her. He placed her head in his lap, and gently  
  
stroked her hair. He wiped away her tears with his finger tips. He held her tight, and said, at least a milion times, that it was going to be okay. But the truth, as she knew it, it wasn't. She buried herself  
  
further into his chest, until she could hardly breathe. He never stopped holding her. That wasn't the problem. Other than those few small words, he didn't say anything, and she was too afraid to.   
  
You were always brilliant in the morning.  
  
Smoking your cigarette, and talking over coffee.   
  
The philosphies on art.  
  
Baroque moved you.  
  
You loved Mozart.  
  
And you'd speak of your loved ones,  
  
As i clumsily strummed my guitar.  
  
Well excuse me, I think i've mistaken you for somebody else.  
  
Somebody who gave a damn,  
  
Somebody more like myself.  
  
She remembered how he used to be, before this. He was...Trowa. Her Trowa. He was brilliant, and beautiful. She could talk with him, because she knew he'd listen. It was so peaceful. But now...look at this.  
  
Look at what war had done to something so beautiful. It had covered it with ice. An impenetrable fortress of solitude, and aloneness. The longing was gone, and so was the determination. Everything was  
  
frozen. Ice...This war had turned him as cold as ice...  
  
You took your coat off, and stood in the rain.  
  
You were always crazy like that...  
  
He stood up now, placing her head gently on the floor. He went outside, taking off his jacket. He just stood there, letting the rain seep through him. It was like he was cleansing himself of everything. Of   
  
all the pain and the happiness he'd ever felt, though the pain greatly outnumbered the happiness. His hair began to fall limp against his face, and he jeans to stick to him. He stood there in the rain, arms  
  
spread. And all she could do was watch.  
  
Now...  
  
She thought.  
  
Now...  
  
Is it him, or me that's like ice...? 


	13. Forgiveness: Love without pain is like a...

What was never there: To tame the wildest heart  
  
Here I go again I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today  
  
She looked at him. She couldn't move. So she looked at him. His back was to her, so he couldn't see her. But she was looking. Looking at something that was never there. He seemed almost invisible now. The  
  
rain tricked down his fingers, and they shook. From the cold. It was cold, wasn't it. He slowly brang his hand up, and put his bangs back in place. She couldn't take this anymore.   
  
It's been seven months and counting  
  
You've moved on  
  
I still feel exactly the same  
  
He couldn't tell what he was looking at, he just knew it was something. Many things caught his eyes, then passed, as if clouds. Except for one thing. The reflection in the mirror. She was staring. At him. She  
  
didn't know he could see, but he could. It seemed like everywhere he looked now, there was her face. And the picture. The picture in the mirror. Taken just shortly. He couldn't help but think...  
  
It's just that everywhere I go all the buildings know your name  
  
Like photographs and memories of love  
  
Steel and granite reminders  
  
The city calls your name and I can't move on  
  
Another bruise to try and hide, he thought smiling. He didn't think he could anymore of those. Not the physical ones, no...The ones that happened when she wasn't around. Was somewhere else.   
  
Without him. He couldn't pretend he didn't know what happened. Though he'd like to. What had happened when the lights went out? Just like her memories and feelings for him. A candle can only burn so long,  
  
can't they?  
  
Ever since you've been gone  
  
The lights go out the same  
  
The only difference is  
  
You call another name  
  
To your love  
  
To your lover now  
  
To your love  
  
The lover after me  
  
He didn't want any of it. But then, if he let go...He couldn't even imagine. He couldn't imagine anything. Nothing made sense. But that was the beauty of her, she didn't have to...  
  
Am I all alone in the universe?  
  
There's no love on these streets  
  
I have given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway  
  
So this is my new freedom  
  
It's funny  
  
I don't remember being chained  
  
But nothing seems to make sense anymore  
  
Without you I'm always twenty minutes late  
  
The phone rang. He came back inside, to answer it. He mumbled a couple of words. "I know I'm late. Forget about it, all right?" He put it down.  
  
Ever since you've been gone  
  
The lights go out the same  
  
The only difference is  
  
You call another name  
  
To your love  
  
To your lover now  
  
To your love  
  
The lover after me  
  
Every second he looked at her, and saw the pain and fear in her eyes, it felt like a lifetime. He suddenly fell cold.   
  
Here I go again  
  
I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today  
  
But I'm standing at your doorway  
  
I'm calling out your name because I can't move on  
  
"Look, I can't stand you looking like that. Smile, ok?" He said, a little too happy to be believable, he thought. She meekly attempted to, then cringed again. "Look, you've got a beautiful face, use it."  
  
he said, sitting across fom her, legs stretched out.  
  
I would like to visit you for a while  
  
Get away and out of this city  
  
Maybe I shouldn't have called but someone had to be the first to break  
  
"Look, can I say something?" he asked, finally breaking the silence that there was rarely between them.  
  
We can go sit on your back porch  
  
Relax  
  
Talk about anything  
  
It don't matter  
  
I'll be courageous if you can pretend that you've forgiven me  
  
"No one's stopping you," she said quietly, wiping her eyes, so as if he wouldn't notice. It didn't really matter, did it? He'd seen her cry a million times before. So why did it matter now?   
  
Springtime in the city  
  
Always such relief from the winter freeze  
  
The snow was more lonely than cold  
  
If you know what I mean  
  
Maybe she didn't want to show him she was scared, when in reality,she was freezing inside. From the bottom, it was slowly raising. She'd never been this alone, or scared, in her life. Like ice.  
  
So maybe I shouldn't have called  
  
Was it too soon to tell?  
  
Oh what the hell  
  
It doesn't really matter  
  
How do you redefine something that never really had a name?  
  
Has your opinion changed?  
  
She looked up at the face that once belonged to her. The nameless face. Maybe it still did. She didn't know. There was only one way to find out.  
  
..."Trowa?" she asked, quietly, so if by saying his name, she wouldn't break his heart. He looked at her. Not knowing what to feel. He never felt. That was the problem. Nothing close to falling in love or  
  
hurting this bad had ever happened. He didn't know what to say. To do. He looked at her pleading face. Something crossed his mind. Something terrible. That woman. The daughter of that man. The man who  
  
was going to kill Kit. He remembered the look on her face. It was the same. It was bloody the same. If only he'd shown her mercy...maybe things would have been okay...Maybe, if he learned how to forgive,  
  
life would be more like he wanted it to. Just maybe. He swallowed his pride, and knelt beside her.   
  
When you feel all alone  
  
And the world has turned its back on you  
  
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart  
  
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you  
  
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold  
  
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore...  
  
"I don't care what happened. I don't care what any one else thinks or says. I learned something yesterday. People are fragile. We're humans, and that's expected. We fall. We break. I'll be there, you know,  
  
if you ever want to fall. I'll catch you. Just call me. I'll catch you. I won't ever let you fall. I know I'm not what other men are, but if I can make you smile, thats a start, isn't it. There may be many men out  
  
there who are smarter than me, and richer than me, and that have a better lifestyle. But I guarantee. I guarantee you. You will never find someone who loves you as much as I do. Tell me, if you walk out   
  
that door right now, how am I supposed to keep on living? Tell me, how am I supposed to live without you?  
  
Let me be the one you call  
  
If you jump I'll break your fall  
  
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night  
  
If you need to fall apart  
  
I can mend a broken heart  
  
If you need to crash then crash and burn  
  
You're not alone  
  
"I know you're feeling really bad. I don't blame you. You're feeling it. Inside. And I know that's my fault. You don't have to be scared though. You're not alone. Show the world you beautiful face. C'mon.  
  
Stop feeling sorry for yourself, and start living. I swear, if there were people in this world half as beautiful, inside and out, the world would be a better place. You wouldn't be crying, and I wouldn't be reckless.  
  
There wouldn't be war, or pain or suffering. Do me a favour, if this is the last thing I ever ask of you in my life... Smile, so I can end mine. I can end my suffering. Smile for me, and I'll be able to live again.  
  
When you feel all alone  
  
And a loyal friend is hard to find  
  
You're caught in a one way street  
  
With the monsters in your head  
  
When hopes and dreams are far away and  
  
You feel like you can't face the day  
  
She looked at him, with pleading eyes, and mouthed a simple why. She had never realised how much she meant to him until now. "Trowa...I," The green orbs glowed dull now. Worn with the trails of angry   
  
tears. She collapsed in his arms, and he held her there. They sat there, for a while, neither saying a word. But this time it was a peaceful silence.   
  
And there has always been heartache and pain  
  
And when it's over you'll breathe again  
  
You'll breath again  
  
They sat there, envisioning the late sunrise. He'd say something casually, whisper it in her ear, and she'd reply a yes or a no. She sure wasn't still she was ready to face the stupid mistake she'd made. They  
  
sat, him kissing her on the forehead. They sat in the stillness of morning. Each breathing in deeply the morning air, their heart beats identical. And each knew, that they were really never alone...  
  
Breathe in, breathe out.  
  
Let the icicles formed in your heart melt...  
  
Feel the flesh like the first time.  
  
Slowly, softly now.  
  
Intertwine your breath with your soul.  
  
And remember the joy that breathing alone once brought you...  
  
Breathe in...Breathe out...  
  
You'll breathe again 


End file.
